Archive for November, 2004

I Should Start Saving These…

November 30, 2004

… for the humor value alone.

What, pray tell, am I contemplating saving?

Why, the “names” of the “people” from whom I receive spam, of course!

Today’s crop: Maturer E. Unobtainable, who tells me that “somebody” wants to see me, and Spindled G. Extemporizes, who wants to know about my good self.

But here’s what I truly do not understand. Who on earth is shtoopid enough to actually BUY “products” or “services” from these “people” (and I use all of those terms loosely)?

Oddly enough, Mr. Extemporizes appears to be selling nothing at all; his message is nothing but a bunch of odd little sayings and homilies, with no links or filthy graphics whatsoever. Mr. Unobtainable, however, offers to set me up with a lonely cheating housewife. If you believe it’s me she really wants to see, I have some ocean-front property in Nevada you might be interested in purchasing. Cheap.

UPDATE: My latest correspondent is Ride B. Victorian. A name like that almost begs for a caption contest in reverse, i.e. provide the picture for the caption. Any suggestions?

Lost In Translation

November 30, 2004

A Google translation of a page in German tells us that SCO’s server has been “chopped.” The item continues thus:

The Web server of the Unix company SCO was apparent verunstaltet by unknown quantity. On the entrance side a diagram with the text “incoming goods is own all your, pay US to code all your money”. The diagram fits itself in perfectly into the layout of the side.

A report on Neowin according to still further SCO sides were concerned. Neowin documents a Website, in which SCO under the title maintains “SCO vs world” allegedly, one SCO code in all Microsoft products would have found. As proof the side leads the code chips

while (1){ do_something; }

and

for (i = 0; i < 16; i++)

on. This side however apparent already again manufactured and documented now again the case "talk has v. SCO". Precariously it is correct that the manipulated diagram on the input is nevertheless still delivered. Whether possibly still further sides or service and files on the server were modified, is at present unknown; a statement of SCO is still pending.

I’m so glad they clarified all that.

Hat tip: John C.A. Bambenek

Yeah, I Know…

November 29, 2004

… me and about 30 gazillion other people got them…

… but it’s very, VERY cool to get a Christmas card from the White House! 🙂

On the back, the painting is identified as The Red Room, The White House, by Cindi Holt, oil on canvas.

Then, in very small print: “Paid for by the Republican National Committee http://www.rnc.org&#8221;

Then the Hallmark logo.

Let’s see, now… church and state co-mingled, with the Bible verse quoted inside the card… and on the back, the President is clearly “in bed” with an eeeeevil big corporation, i.e. Hallmark.

/sarcasm

Weekend Wrap-Up

November 28, 2004

DAG is still AWOL; expect he’s now on the way home from that “undisclosed location” where the family had Thanksgiving. He said he’d post something on the blog. He didn’t. He lied.

Had Thanksgiving dinner, such as it was, with my mother and sister. We had chicken pot pies from Marie Callendar, jello salad with pineapple in it, celery sticks, black olives, and brownies and ice cream for dessert. Very little cooking, and very little clean-up. Then, a cutthroat game of Trivial Pursuit, in which my sister was cleaning our clocks most of the way, but I finally pulled ahead and beat her on a lucky roll of the die.

Friday, avoided any and all retail establishments like the plague. Took the sick cassette deck in to the appliance hospital, where the nurse promised to take very good care of it. Then, went over and test-drove a new Lexus. I am now officially in lust. Come January, I do believe I will be driving a new car.

Saturday, went skating with Sara and Kathy, and that took up most of the day. By the time we drove up there, skated, drove further north so Sara could drop off Bruce’s raincoat (long story), and then stopped to eat on the way home, it was late enough that I went straight to bed with a book. We’re all looking forward to going skating in style come January… arriving in a Lexus. I only wiped out once on the rink, and that was because some little kid came to a dead stop right in front of me. I caught him and kept him on his feet but I went down hard on one knee, and have bruises to prove it.

Today? Did some work, read a book, took a nap, did some more work, read some more, did the dishes, and now am about ready to hit the shower.

What an exciting life, eh?

Don’t You Hate This?

November 25, 2004

Taking something apart, putting it back together, and having parts left over, that is.

The “something” was my 20 year old cassette deck, the one that’s part of the old stereo system that nowadays only gets used when somebody says, “Oh, could you digitize this for me?”

The cassette deck chose today (and an irreplaceable tape) to commit suicide with the tape inside.

Heedless of the “No user serviceable parts inside!” warning, I dove in, but after a valiant effort involving two screwdrivers and a pair of tweezers, I still could not penetrate the cassette compartment. So I gave up and put the whole thing back together because I’m too embarrassed to haul it into a repair shop in a bag with its guts hanging out.

And now I have 2 screws left over. Oh, joy.

Guess I’ll go back to digitizing record albums for now….

Hope the cassette deck’s demise doesn’t give the turntable any ideas….

Just One Question…

November 24, 2004

… how on earth does a person flush her reading glasses down the toilet?

Picture the possibilities.

If you’re wearing them at the time, what are you doing with your face in a needs-to-be-flushed toilet (eeewww!) and don’t you notice that they fell off?

No, don’t explain this to me. I really don’t want to know.

If you’re not wearing them, how do you drop them in and not notice?

Now, I am a grade A number one klutz–but I have never, repeat, NEVER flushed anything down the loo that I did not intend to flush. Dropped an earring down the bathroom sink drain once (thank heaven for a dad with a strange gadget that retrieved it), and dropped a vacuum cleaner power brush cotter pin down the kitchen sink (memo to self: when taking apart power brush on kitchen counter, close sink drains) and retrieved it with a magnet scotch-taped to a coat hanger… but again, not the loo.

::shaking head in amazement::

The Grownups Are Back

November 22, 2004

Just read in the paper (the same paper that pointed out that I am addicted to caffeine) that Paul McCartney will perform at the next Super Bowl halftime show. The organizers have assured everyone that there will be no bared breasts.

Well, thank heaven. I have even less desire to see Paul McCartney’s breasts than I did Janet Jackson’s.

Well, Duh (Again!)

November 22, 2004

Those magnificent researchers at Johns Hopkins have discovered, once again, that caffeine addiction is real.

They even offer a helpful web site where you can find out how to kick your habit.

They even talk about the mood-altering effects of caffeine.

Well, duh. You think I’m cranky now? Just take away my caffeine. Then you will REALLY see cranky!

“Studies have shown that caffeine disrupts sleep.” Again, I say, well, DUH! That’s like saying soap disrupts dirt, or toilet paper disrupts –well, you can finish the sentence!

A CrankyBeach Clue-BatTM upside the head to those earnestly concerned researchers. Some of us LIKE our addiction, and it is, after all, a legal substance! So chill out. Here, have a nice latte.

Sunday Miscellanea

November 21, 2004

My pal DAG has once again promised to check in here while he’s out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday. We shall see. He has been away from a radio microphone for waaaay too long, and a blog would be a worthy substitute, if he could just get his act together…. C’mon, DAG. Blog at us! Share once again the long-lost wisdom of “The Daily Rail!”

On another topic entirely, today would have been my 23rd wedding anniversary, if I had stayed married to my first mistake. Sheesh. Was I ever that young?

Ow.

November 19, 2004

At our office, we get our birthdays off. So I hopped in the car, drove 75 miles north to San Jose, and went skating.

Being a cocky birthday girl, I was skating backwards, got away from my security-blanket railing, got distracted, lost my footing and went flat on my, um, well. Let’s just say my down-sitter doesn’t seem to have NEAR as much padding as one would have thought. Coming into full-weight abrupt contact with a giant ice cube proved it.

I did some warm-down stretches after I skated, but then drove the 75 miles back home (after a brief detour at my favorite used book store), and when I got out of the car, every single thing I own hurt.

As I said… ow. This getting old thing sure isn’t for wimps!

I used to ask, what did we do before there was Advil? Then I answered my own question: We were younger then, and we didn’t need it!