Archive for the ‘Asshats’ Category

How Not To Commit Identify Theft

November 20, 2008

A couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from the security division of my credit card company.

Last time they called me, it was to check and make sure I was really the one who had put in a charge for a Moody Blues concert ticket. (Of course I was. You had to ask??)

This time, apparently my credit card had gone to France and other places without me. Which is a bloody good trick considering the card has not left my possession. In fact, I am looking at it right now. Really. Honest.

I told the fraud investigator which charges were valid, and which were not. He then confirmed that I had not, indeed, made purchases from such-and-such a company.

The light went on. The mysterious packages arriving in the mail were explained.

Memo to all you identity thieves. If you steal a credit card number and use it to order a bunch of ::ahem:: enhancement “vitamins” (enhancement for body parts I do not have, I might add), make sure you contact the credit card company and have the address changed, so the “products” do not show up at the home of the credit card’s rightful owner, instead of whatever rat-hole you are hiding in.

The bank of course canceled the credit card, and opened a fraud investigation. I will not be charged for the “vitamins.”

Anybody out there want to try this stuff? Free of charge. Meet me down on the corner by Bad Ass Coffee and I’ll hand it over. ::snort:: But those of you who live outside the area… you’re out of luck, ’cause I’m not paying to ship it!


Some Things Require No Comment.

August 5, 2008

Hat tip: Wizbang, via Free Republic

Voldemort Votes Republican.

July 24, 2008

That’s what the bumper sticker says.

I beg to differ.

First… the obvious. Voldemort is not a U.S. citizen; therefore he cannot vote here. Secondly, he’s dead. (Which makes him eligible to vote in Chicago, and other traditionally Democrat strongholds.)

But… had Voldemort not assumed room temperature in the last book, and were he eligible to vote in the U.S., I would submit to you that he would not vote Republican.

Come to think of it, he wouldn’t bother to vote at all. He’d just kill off all the candidates and declare himself absolute dictator of all, for all eternity.

But seriously… anyone who prefers their power concentrated in one place, be it Washington or one’s own hands, is not real likely to vote Republican.

Discuss amongst yourselves. I have work to do.

But before I go… one final thought. Ever notice how Republicans think Democrats are misguided, whereas Democrats think Republicans are evil? A friend of Ith’s summed it up best when she said, “How could you be a Republican? You’re so nice!”

Nice “Solution.”

May 9, 2008

Some time back I blogged about a person of my acquaintance who used to send me every urban legend that made the rounds of the in-boxes. After numerous return e-mail spankings admonishing the person to for cryin’ out loud CHECK on things before “sending this to everyone you know” I was informed I am now off the list, meaning the spamming would go on; I just would not receive it anymore. Thanks… I think.

Fast forward to today. This person is a musician, and I thought the Station Inn audio files might be interesting. So I sent off a message, explaining what the gig was all about, along with links to the files.

The e-mail bounced, with the message that this user is not accepting mail from my address.

So, because I am a compassionate CrankyBeach and wanted this person to have the opportunity to hear some great music, I re-sent it from another address, and it hasn’t bounced yet.

What a total moron.

Meanwhile… if any of my faithful readers would like to hear the entire gig (and it’s well worth it), links to the files are posted below. You want to RIGHT click on them and save the target/file on your computer. (Mac users, you’re on your own.) Thanks to Bob in Texas, whose audio it is. I recorded it myself, but the quality of his recording is better, especially on the chit-chat parts, which are just as much fun to listen to as the music. In my not so humble opinion.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

And for good measure… a photo of Justin Hayward singing “Nights in White Satin” for the how-many-bazillionth time since 1967, and still pouring just as much passion into it as he did 40 years ago. Amazing.

And let’s not forget his sidekick… the fabulous Norda Mullen!

What Is It With Some People?

November 6, 2007

My next door neighbor was evicted. It sure is quiet around here. The new tenant hasn’t moved in yet.

Yesterday the landlord buttonholed me and started talking. I had a hot pizza box in my hands and I was mighty hungry; but I humored him. He talked about the new roof and the new windows, and then talked about how hard they had tried to work with the lady they finally had to evict. She was their tenant for a total of six years, the first part in one of their other buildings, in a two-bedroom that she apparently could not afford. They moved her to the more affordable one-bedroom next to me a couple of years ago, which rents actually toward the bottom end of the going rate for a one-bedroom in this town.

Even after downsizing, she was consistently late with the rent, making excuse after excuse (she didn’t get paid on time, yadda yadda) and when she wasn’t late, her checks often bounced. Yet she drives a very nice vehicle, wears expensive clothes, and keeps up her gym membership religiously.

Priorities, people. Priorities. You need a roof over your head to keep your expensive clothes from getting rained on. And even if you have a crappy landlord (which we don’t) you still have to pay on time. My only complaint about my landlord is that he talks too much. But he fixes things that need fixing, unlike what I hear from other renters. So what’s to complain about? Tighten your belt and pay your rent, dang it.


Only In Santa Cruz

July 17, 2007

Job seekers, here is your opportunity.

The City of Santa Cruz (the southernmost point of the Bermuda Triangle for Common Sense, as former local radio host DAG used to call it) is hiring a global warming czar.

The gig will pay $80,000 a year.

That does it. I am in the wrong business.

Recruitment for the position will begin in the next two weeks. The article does not say where to show up to apply, but I suspect City Hall would be a good place to start.

Cross-posted at Ith’s place

I Resemble That!

June 21, 2007

In the news:

LONDON (AFP) – “Blog”, “netiquette”, “cookie” and “wiki” have been voted among the most irritating words spawned by the Internet, according to the results of a poll published Thursday.

Topping the list of words most likely to make web users “wince, shudder or want to bang your head on the keyboard” was folksonomy, a term for a web classification system.

“Blogosphere”, the collective name for blogs or online journals, was second; “blog” itself was third; “netiquette”, or Internet etiquette, came fourth and “blook”, a book based on a blog, was fifth.

I’ve never even heard of folksonomy and I wouldn’t know one if it bit me on the ankle.

Must be a British thing.

I suppose if I were politically correct, or willing to pander to the self-appointed intelligentsia, I would be tearing my hair out in a frenzy of self-hatred at my audacity in keeping a (gasp) blog.

. . . .


And furthermore…


I am a proud member of the BLOGOSPHERE and I will shout it from the –er, top of my page!

Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! So there! Take that and stuff it up your folksonomy, you pinky-toe-hats!

So Why Bother Voting?

June 11, 2007

So much for the will of the people and the consent of the governed.

I didn’t vote in the latest local special election because I did not have the time or the energy to study the issues thoroughly to make an informed choice. The ballot measures all had to do with land use and development issues, and I can’t remember when I have seen and heard as much obfuscation on both sides of an issue. At one point I was tempted to vote against one measure based solely on the sign pollution of the side in favor.

The voters soundly defeated all four ballot measures, so that should be the end of it. Right? Wrong! Those Who Know BestTM are taking steps to thwart the will of the people.

. . . supporters said not so fast. They are plotting a comeback with lawsuits and creating GPU-5, a plan that combines the concepts of Measure A and GPU-4 while rejecting development in the Rancho San Juan area.

Several lawsuits are already pending against the county and more are expected to be filed. County counsel said it could be years before this issue is settled in court.

Despite the fact that voters shot it down two years ago and again on Tuesday, the Butterfly Village project, a provision of Measure D, could still move forward.

I think I’m getting a headache.

Cross-posted at Ith’s place

Yeah. What She Said.

May 17, 2007

Ith once again demonstrates why she is my incredibly wise blog-mom:

I am livid over this illegal amnesty travesty that was announced today! Let me tell you, the RNC isn’t getting another dime from me till they get a spine, and no candidate who supports this travesty is getting my support, let alone my vote!

I’m sick and tired of the elected officials that I supported acting like a bunch of Democrats.

Camel, meet straw.

I won’t tell you to go read the whole thing–because that was the whole thing.

They Say That Like It’s A Bad Thing

April 25, 2007

Newspaper headline: “Spinach money cut from Iraq bill.

The article’s first line: “Spinach gets dissed again.”

It goes on thus:

Seven months after an E. coli outbreak and the resulting spinach recall devastated the local industry, county spinach growers and shippers ended up with the short end of the stick this week.

That’s because U.S. Senate leaders made a point of removing $25 million in aid for spinach growers from a $124.2-billion package designed to fund U.S. military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. The package did include $3.5 billion for the nation’s farmers, designating $40 million for California’s citrus growers, who were hurt by January’s freeze, and dairy farmers, who were affected by last year’s heat wave.

Rep. Sam Farr, D-Carmel, who backed the local aid, said the spinach industry became the fall guy in the debate over add-on emergency funding. After the House of Representatives passed a bill that included the spinach funding, the Senate voted 98-0 to ban any subsidy for the industry.

“These spinach growers did the right thing by voluntarily recalling the spinach, and they got hurt by it,” Farr said. “But because spinach became the poster child for the debate (over funding), it got left out.”

Farr said spinach didn’t qualify for disaster funding designation and had to stand on its own, leaving it vulnerable to attack by opponents. The anti-tax group Citizens Against Government Waste gave Farr a “pork” award and said the spinach industry shouldn’t be given any special consideration merely for “pulling a deadly product off the shelves.”

County Agriculture Commissioner Eric Lauritzen said the outcome wasn’t unexpected but was disappointing nonetheless.

“It didn’t come as a shock to me,” Lauritzen said. “It was not a natural disaster, so it had a little bit of an uphill battle to begin with. Congressman Farr worked very hard on this. It’s disappointing to the congressman and those who were counting on these funds. Many spinach growers could have benefited in a situation where they weren’t at fault.”

Lauritzen said the industry, which had grown to a $190-million annual business in 2005, lost as much as $30 million due to lost sales and consumer demand during the E. coli outbreak. He said the local industry, which produces about half of the nation’s spinach, will continue to suffer long-term harm as it attempts to recover.

The crisis, which sickened 205 people and caused at least three deaths, resulted in lawmakers calling for stricter controls on the industry, which has since adopted new rules for the vegetable’s processors and shippers.

Lauritzen said the industry will now focus its efforts on securing funds for food safety research.

The debate over money for spinach farmers is probably moot. The bill, which includes a deadline for withdrawal from Iraq, is expected to gain approval in the House and Senate but will likely be vetoed by President Bush.

Debate on the funding package came as victims of the food contamination outbreak testified before Congress, asking for tougher oversight of the industry.

Boo freaking hoo.

Although… I suppose it really doesn’t matter much, since the bill will be vetoed anyway. With or without spinach-flavored pork.