Archive for the ‘Coffee-Sprayer’ Category

Bwahahaha!

August 13, 2005

How often do you actually laugh out loud while reading a book?

I just did.

The heroine has just been fired and is home alone with nothing to do.

I drank and watched Fox News Channel until I almost turned Republican. Then I watched CNN until I almost turned stupid.

The book is “Time off for good behavior” by Lani Diane Rich, for those who are interested.

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A Real Coffee-Sprayer

May 13, 2005

Literally.

Via Technudge, a link to the perfect computer.

I want one. Now.

April 15

April 12, 2005

Warning! Swallow your beverage before clicking on this link!

Have you swallowed? Honestly? Really?

Okay, now you can click… but if you spray your screen and keyboard anyway, CrankyBeach will not be held liable for damages!

The Link

Snicker

February 3, 2005

Forwarded by a friend. Caution! Swallow your beverage before reading! You have been warned!

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket. “How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing. “Watch and learn,” answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand… The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they see the Clinton’s at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton’s see that the Bushes don’t buy any ticket at all. “Aren’t you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?” says Hillary. “Live and learn,” answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clintons cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton’s toilet, knocks on their door and says, “Ticket, please.”

And you’re still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that election.

Yet Another Instance…

January 25, 2005

… of somebody with waaaay too much time on their hands. Hilarious, nonetheless!

(Hat tip: The Ninjababe)

Toooo Funny

December 18, 2004

Via The Captain, a link to a hilarious post by The Anchoress about a play with a naughty name. Just a snippet, to persuade you to click over and read the whole thing:

Right on schedule, comes this story re the University of Oregon, which is undergoing some unusual pains and contractions as it attempts to deliver yet another year’s version of this mediocre beast of a play, The Vagina Monologues, the Eve Ensler mess that has made her a latte-drinking-world-problem-solver on the basis of her overuse of the word Vagina. This is a play that allows boomer women and their like-minded offspring to feel cutting-edge and daring as they routinely act like 5 year olds sitting around a table giggling and feeling naughty because they are getting away with saying “poopy-head.”

She goes on to quote James Taranto, who brought the mess to the world’s attention:

…last year, “the queer community, the women of color community and the plus-size community did not feel represented,” and she plans to remedy this by selecting performers who are ” ‘not necessarily drama-oriented’ in favor of ‘people who work (toward) ‘The Vagina Monologues’ mission of ending violence against women.”

Go read the whole thing. But swallow your beverage before you do. You have been warned.

I Should Start Saving These…

November 30, 2004

… for the humor value alone.

What, pray tell, am I contemplating saving?

Why, the “names” of the “people” from whom I receive spam, of course!

Today’s crop: Maturer E. Unobtainable, who tells me that “somebody” wants to see me, and Spindled G. Extemporizes, who wants to know about my good self.

But here’s what I truly do not understand. Who on earth is shtoopid enough to actually BUY “products” or “services” from these “people” (and I use all of those terms loosely)?

Oddly enough, Mr. Extemporizes appears to be selling nothing at all; his message is nothing but a bunch of odd little sayings and homilies, with no links or filthy graphics whatsoever. Mr. Unobtainable, however, offers to set me up with a lonely cheating housewife. If you believe it’s me she really wants to see, I have some ocean-front property in Nevada you might be interested in purchasing. Cheap.

UPDATE: My latest correspondent is Ride B. Victorian. A name like that almost begs for a caption contest in reverse, i.e. provide the picture for the caption. Any suggestions?

Lost In Translation

November 30, 2004

A Google translation of a page in German tells us that SCO’s server has been “chopped.” The item continues thus:

The Web server of the Unix company SCO was apparent verunstaltet by unknown quantity. On the entrance side a diagram with the text “incoming goods is own all your, pay US to code all your money”. The diagram fits itself in perfectly into the layout of the side.

A report on Neowin according to still further SCO sides were concerned. Neowin documents a Website, in which SCO under the title maintains “SCO vs world” allegedly, one SCO code in all Microsoft products would have found. As proof the side leads the code chips

while (1){ do_something; }

and

for (i = 0; i < 16; i++)

on. This side however apparent already again manufactured and documented now again the case "talk has v. SCO". Precariously it is correct that the manipulated diagram on the input is nevertheless still delivered. Whether possibly still further sides or service and files on the server were modified, is at present unknown; a statement of SCO is still pending.

I’m so glad they clarified all that.

Hat tip: John C.A. Bambenek

The Choice

October 29, 2004

For the 3 or 4 of you out there who haven’t seen this yet, I offer the link for your viewing pleasure.

WARNING: Swallow your beverage before you start it!

Hat tip: The inimitable (and who would want to?) Frank J

Is It Live…

October 21, 2004

… or is it Photoshop? You be the judge. WARNING: Swallow your mouthful of coffee before you look, unless you actually enjoy cleaning your keyboard and screen of projectile liquids!

And now… from Right Thinking Girl, courtesy of Country Store

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