Archive for the ‘Giggles’ Category

How To Look Like A Dork

December 14, 2008

Long story a whole lot shorter… we stopped at where-the-heck-is-Thackerville on our way from Dallas to Tulsa to pick up our tickets for that show, and it was a good thing we did, because all tickets were will-call, and you should have seen the long lines the night of the concert. We breezed right past them ’cause we already had our tickets.

Anyway. The nice ladies at the box office said we could go in and look at the auditorium and see where our seats were. And then Bonnie went off on some of the more, um, fanatical fans who get up and do a sexy snake-dance in the front row. At least, they apparently think it’s sexy. But we have it on good authority that the band is Not Amused.

I don’t really have to explain the rest, do I? Janet isn’t in the picture because she took it.

Some Things Defy Description.

October 27, 2008

But please, PLEASE, swallow your beverage first. You have been warned.

Ready?

Okay, click here.

(Hat tip: One of Rachel’s commenters)

Share The Laughs!

May 8, 2008

No, I don’t actually have permission to reproduce this here… but I rather doubt its author would mind. The author is someone known only as “Leslee.” This appeared on a members-only board, and the discussion concerned Justin Hayward’s desire to keep his private life private, and the fact that he has moved several times in the last few years.

Do swallow your beverage before reading further.

I’m here to report that Justin and Marie are well and good. Awhile back, as I was gazing through their kitchen window, Justin spotted me. I put my arms out, and said, “I’m an elm!” in the hopes he would mistake me for the landscaping. The Haywards closed the curtains after that, and moved in a couple days.

It took a week before I stalked out the new place. It had a chimney, so I slid down and watched when they weren’t looking. They were fine here, too. Winter came around, and I’d occasionally shriek and go, “Oooo!” when they would light a fire. That was when Justin wrote, “Haunted.” Fortunately for me, they moved before December rolled around.

I hid in the plumbing of their next flat. Yes, they were getting along famously here, too. I can report that the rumors that Justin does those foul human things that the rest of us do are totally untrue. In four months of hiding in the toilet, not a single time did anybody use it.

At another place, I hid under a coffee table. I put a skirt around the bottom so they couldn’t see me, I sawed a hole in the top, and I put a hollowed-out TV over the hole so I could look through at them. I figured they would think I was a talking head. Clever, huh? Marie walked in, and I started my first political analysis. She ran for Justin, and they moved out in less than an hour.

Another place, I came in through the bathroom window protected by a silver spoon. Sunday was on the phone to Monday, Tuesday was on the phone to me. The little dog laughed to see such fun, and the dish ran away with the spoon. Eek! The Haywards were getting along swimmingly, though.

The list goes on and on. I’m not sure why they keep moving, but yes, they are well.

From The Mailbag…

April 11, 2007

… old boyfriend, reader and frequent commenter Bum passes this along.

(more…)

Thanks, I Needed The Laugh!

November 10, 2006

After the kind of day I had yesterday….

This morning on the way to the office, I came up behind an older brown Toyota pickup truck. Emblazoned across the tailgate in large gold letters:

PRE-LEXUS

I laughed all the way into our parking lot.

A Real Star Trek Funny!

August 8, 2006

You know those inspirational posters with the pretty pictures and the nice affirmational sayings on them?

Well… someone with waaay too much time on their hands has created a series of Star Trek posters.

Just to whet your appetite:

Go have a look at the whole series. But swallow your beverage first! Trust me on that.

(Hat tip: Twisted Chris, who does not have a blog. Yet.)

Warning! Swallow Your Beverage!

September 26, 2005

Via Rightwing Duck over at IMAO, the latest in breaking news. Swallow your beverage before clicking over. You have been warned.

Just When You Think You’ve Heard Everything

June 23, 2005

A friend just sent this one. Everyone who is “over a certain age,” pay attention. This means you.

Senior Dress Code

Many of us over 40, WAY over 40, are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We’re unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo’s and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots

12. Short shorts and varicose veins

13. Inline skates and a walker

And the ultimate “Bad Taste” in fashion for the “Older Folks:”

14. Thongs and Depends

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

Battle Cry!

June 9, 2005

What is your battle cry? Find out here.

Here’s mine. Does it fit in with my pirate image, do you think?

(Hat tip: Dane Bramage)

I tried my real name, and got a rather different result:

Yea, verily: Who is that, skulking out of the freeway! It is _Herself_, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! And with an ominous grunt, her voice cometh:

“I’m going to bruise you so forcibly, the devil himself will plead for mercy!!!”

Whoop-de-do. A screwdriver? A mere screwdriver? Not even a power drill? Can you guess which one I like better? Is it any wonder I don’t use my real name online?

Pirates, Eh?

June 7, 2005

My pirate name is:

Mad Mary Kidd
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you’re not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

(Hat tip: The Daily Spork)