Archive for the ‘Huh?’ Category

Free Groceries!

December 30, 2007

At Whole Foods, no less.

Apparently, all you have to do is walk out of the store without paying for your groceries–and they won’t do a thing to stop you. Not only that… if they try to stop you, and one of the employees touches you, THEY will be fired and you will be allowed to go on your merry way. Because, you see, Whole Foods employees are not allowed to touch a customer for any reason. Apparently a shoplifter is still considered a customer. Is that dumb or what?

I fully expect a rash of unencumbered shoplifting to start plaguing the chain. They have just announced to the world that they will roll over and let you walk away. They might even hold the door open for you. How very polite of them.

Actually, the guy’s manager should have been fired, since he was the one who yelled for help in the first place, to stop the thief. And then, when the employee restrained the thief, the manager told him to let the thief go, which he did. And then he got fired.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

February 28, 2005

Last evening my CPA called to tell me my tax returns were done. He also said he had been trying to e-mail them to me for an hour, but the program they were using to create PDF files had bitten the dust.

I said I knew of a free PDF-generating program that could be downloaded from the net. He said theirs costs $10,000. Per year.

All I can say is, for that price, that program had better vacuum, dust, clean toilets, cater lunches and give back rubs on demand in addition to making PDFs. Even Adobe Acrobat Professional is only $449.

I think I’m in the wrong business.

I Don’t Get It

January 13, 2005

The object: A miniature carton of Tropicana orange juice, complete with its own straw. The straw was attached to the carton, so I know it was the right straw.

The straw was NOT broken, but it was nonetheless much shorter than the carton. Drinking the top half of the juice with a too-short straw is not a problem, but when you try to push the straw clear to the bottom, it goes clear through the provided straw hole and vanishes.

And then when you try to open the carton to get to that last half inch of juice, it turns out to be one of those cartons that nothing short of a daisy-cutter bomb will open.

At that point, I gave up and tossed it, juice and all.

Tropicana, are you listening? Lengthen your attached straws… or at least provide a daisy-cutter to open the carton with!

I Don’t Get It

January 12, 2005

Have you seen that new Jeep commercial? The one with the erupting volcano? A very dusty Jeep flies out of the volcano, lands neatly on all 4 tires and then drives away.

The text at the bottom of the screen says “Do not attempt.”

Do not attempt WHAT? Driving your Jeep into an active volcano to see if it will fly? If someone is stupid enough to try that, they will receive a well-deserved Darwin Award, to the ultimate benefit of the rest of the human race.

So let’s hear it for stupidity! It’s for a good cause!

Okay, I’m Clueless

December 5, 2004

While waiting at a stoplight this morning, I watched a pedestrian cross the street. She was wearing a black suit–skirt and blazer–with bare legs and grey Birkenstocks.

Huh?