Archive for the ‘This Can’t Happen’ Category

Yeah. What She Said.

May 17, 2007

Ith once again demonstrates why she is my incredibly wise blog-mom:

I am livid over this illegal amnesty travesty that was announced today! Let me tell you, the RNC isn’t getting another dime from me till they get a spine, and no candidate who supports this travesty is getting my support, let alone my vote!

I’m sick and tired of the elected officials that I supported acting like a bunch of Democrats.

Camel, meet straw.

I won’t tell you to go read the whole thing–because that was the whole thing.


How To Feel Old

December 4, 2005

You know you’re getting old when the first car you ever owned is in a museum.

No, that’s not my actual car in the exhibit–the last time I saw mine, it was being towed away with a completely blown-for-the-final-time engine–but mine was just like it, except mustard-yellow (or turkey-turd-tan, as we used to call it).

For you flatlanders, that’s a 1972 Honda 600 sedan, a two-cylinder motorcycle engine with a reverse gear and a little shoe-box with seats slapped around it. A Volkswagen Beetle looked as big as a Hummer next to it. It got 36 miles to the gallon in town, but when I wanted to go up a hill, I had to drive on the shoulder and let everybody else pass me. It never went far enough on the road for me to figure out its road mileage. Its tires weren’t much bigger than frisbees, and the trunk would hold a sack or two of groceries, but that was about it. And it had–are you ready for this–an 8-track tape player, woo-hoo!

From that pregnant roller skate to a 2005 Lexus in just 30 years. Wow.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

September 25, 2005

The situation: Divorced parents, two daughters, ages 5 and 2. The 5 year old has an odd chromosome abnormality that is so rare, the experts don’t know what it means. In some ways the child is quite bright, but she has virtually no attention span, she’s hyperactive and clumsy, and her 2 year old sister talks better than she does.

So the clumsy hyperactive 5 year old comes to school with a bruise on her leg, and the teacher asks how she got it. “Daddy.” Technically, true, but the child did not (or could not) explain that Daddy was trying to grab her arm to keep her from hitting her baby sister, she moved, and he hit her leg instead. So Child Protective Services gets involved, and the father is not allowed to see the children unless the mother is present. Which pretty much blows up the childcare-sharing arrangements and the juggled work schedules.

Then the 5 year old shows up at school with a bruise on her face. When asked, presumably because she got so much attention the last time, she again says “Daddy.” Well, in fact, Daddy hadn’t even SEEN her, as ordered, so how could he have bruised her face?

Meanwhile, both children are asking for Daddy, and the 5 year old is showing signs of depression and starting to wet the bed again.

Mommy is on notice that if there is one more reported incident, she will be declared an “unprotective mother” and the children will be taken away.

How do you explain to a normal 5 year old, much less one with somewhat diminished capacity, that if she says Daddy bruised her, both Mommy and Daddy will disappear from her life?

The mother has no use for the father; can’t stand him, in fact, but if she thought for one minute he were capable of actually hurting the children, she would take them and vanish into the wilderness. And abused children do not usually ask plaintively where their abuser is and why he doesn’t come to see them, and why they don’t go to his house anymore.

Barring a miracle, this can only end badly. How do you prove a negative? How does the father prove he did not purposely bruise his little girl?

Prayers would be much appreciated.

Now THIS Is Just Plain WRONG!

September 24, 2005

In perusing the alumni newsletter from the looniversity, I see they have proudly announced the very first “homecoming,” complete with pre-game festivities and bonfire and all that good stuff.

Just one little hitch. The looniversity does not have a football team, so I wondered just what sport would be played for the main event. Somebody must have had a modicum of embarrassment, because they printed it so small, I had to hunt for it.

The event? A women’s volleyball match.

Aargh! The humanity!

No, I don’t believe I will be attending.


November 18, 2004

That’s the only word for it.

I just heard a commercial on TV, from the other room. I did not notice what product was being advertised, and I wouldn’t buy it if you pointed a gun at my head.

Why, you ask?

Well, because the commercial features a [gag!] rap version of one of the best songs from my misspent youth, “Joy to the World.” You know, the “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” song, by Three Dog Night.

I thought it was bad some years ago when I heard a rap version of “Tequila.” This is far worse.

Abomination. A crime against nature. How dare they mess with an icon?

Oh, This Is NOT Good!

October 29, 2004

The local Rush station (which was iffy to begin with, reception-wise) has just changed formats, and they have referred us to (can you believe this) the Fresno station! That’s hundreds of miles from here!

I just scanned all the way up and down the AM radio band on my best machine–and Fresno is indeed the ONLY station that will pick up Rush! But it’s VERY staticky.

And to add insult to injury, apparently one can no longer listen to Rush for free at his website. Next thing to try: Hunt down a radio station that’s broadcasting Rush via the net.

Anybody know of one offhand?


UPDATE: The old station’s website has been updated since I first looked half an hour ago. Rush will be back on his old-old station (the one with better reception, thank you) as of Monday.

So it looks like I only have to suffer through today’s broadcast with this horrible static.

Unless they’re lying. Naw, they wouldn’t do THAT to a CrankyBeach who hasn’t had enough coffee yet despite it being nearly 10 o’clock in the morning???


October 16, 2004

Via Aaron, a very scary news story:

Scientist Teaching Bacteria to Eat Coffee Plantís Caffeine
Thu Oct 14, 1:15 PM ET
By Jeff Coelho

NEW YORK (Reuters) – In what could be a page taken from a science fiction novel, a scientist in his laboratory is trying to teach bacteria how to devour and destroy the caffeine contained in a coffee plant.

If successful, which the scientist says is probably years away, the experiment may yield a naturally decaffeinated brew that could have a richer and deeper taste than the decaf fare currently available.

Just one question. What is the point of coffee if there’s no caffeine in it?

Time for another cup.